As light as it sounds, the deeper it actually feels. The pain that forces you to wake up in the middle of the night, and makes you crumble down, so that your stomach doesn’t hurt; the tears that you shed under the shower, and convince yourself by saying, “This pain will go away one day, it will” – That, my dear, is unrequited love.
I find people regretting loving someone who doesn’t love us back. But I feel, having someone to love, who you know will never love you back, is a blessing in it’s own sweet way. Because unrequited loves are the ones that teach us how fiercely we are capable of loving someone. Because unrequited loves are the ones that show us that even being broken is beautiful.
I love him. Ever since I realized what the word LOVE actually meant, I have always loved him. Even when I loved someone else, my mind trailed back to him, and my heart knew how much I love him and how much I always will. For me, he is the perfect definition of the word, LIFE. I cannot imagine a day when I will not love him anymore. Because now, living is all about loving him, in some way or the other. With time, the love has changed it’s way from calling him up 24 hours, to silently wishing for his happiness every night. But the love is still there. It just doesn’t go away. But I know, this is not what I am to him. I know I don’t even cross his mind, whereas he never leaves my mind in any way. I will never be that to him what he is to me. That hurts me so much that even after 4 years, I still bleed in tears, that reek a little too much of his memories. That hurts me so much that even after 4 years, I still cannot listen to the song that played in the background while we had shared our first kiss. That hurts me so much that I try to find every way to get him out of my mind, I even try loving someone else, but all with failed results. That hurts me so much that some nights, I still feel him inside me, trying to kill me with his kisses, little at a time. That hurts me so much that even though I still check his pictures and status every hour of the day, I never find the courage to text him saying how awfully I am in love with him. That hurts me so much that some days, I breathe, but I don’t really live.
Unrequited Love. Yes. The churning of stomach when I know he’s out with some other girl, and the burning feeling inside me, makes me feel how much I love him. Every time I see his status, which is clearly not for me, never for me, and the one silent drop that still rolls down, makes me realize that sometimes, we can actually love someone more than we have ever loved our own self. Every time that my heart beats in love for him, and my mind dreams beautiful dreams of our marriage, a happy married life, and decides the names of our future kids, and I end up laughing, I somehow realize how beautiful it is to love someone who doesn’t love me back. Who will never love me back.
And when I finally find someone who will love me the way I love him, I would always, always look up to the one I fiercely love, and thank him a million times for showing me how much I can actually love someone. I will never love the same way twice, I know. For, the ones who can never be ours are the ones who seem to be our world, forever. And no matter how much you try, you just cannot love someone in the exact same way. But I know, that no matter how much we love the ones who are never ours to keep, destiny will lead us to the ones we are meant to be with. And no matter how much we stay in love with the wrong ones, we will always end up happy with the ones destined for us. And in the long run, what matters more than anything else in this whole wide world is, HAPPINESS.
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